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08:19am 04/02/2011
I could not love the earth,
For she and I, we are the same
I love her as myself
But she is my prison
I am my prison
And we are cold.

I could not love the wind,
For when I tried, her faces changed,
And my heart would be unknown.
She would be unknown,
And our love gone.

I could not love the sea,
For when I loved, he'd pull away,
He'd lap at the shore of me
Take away part of me,
And keep himself.

I thought I could not love the flame,
For what so hot could stand my cold?
But I did not know he could burn inside of me,
Or how he'd sear me
and leave me forever burned.

I am safe, loved by fire
For there is only one way to stop what's burning.
To stop a flame you put it out
And if you put him out,
he's already consumed me.
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Failing at what matters  
11:14pm 07/07/2010
From Andrew Boyd's book, Daily Afflictions, page 47:

"We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or don't do, and more in the light of what they suffer"- Deitrich Bonhoeffer

"As you watch TV or gaze up the corporate ladder, everyone but you seems accomplished and successful. How sweet it is, the, to realize that failure is what life is all about; failure is why you're here. Isn't there more nobility in your failed attempt to conquer your self, or to relieve the solitude of the one you love, or to just continue living this difficult life in the face of oncoming death than there is in the greatest success of any banker, brain surgeon, or late-night aerobics instructor? You can ultimately succeed only at unimportant things. The loftiest things in life always seem to end in failure. So the next time you're suffering from low self-esteem, remember this: every beautiful, rich, successful person you see on TV will, like you, fail at what matters to them most. If you seek something worthwhile, seek failure.'

'I fail at the most important things."
mood: sympatheticsympathetic
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02:07pm 23/11/2008
I'm stting here bored at work arguing whether or not Chinese democracy will be any good. I seriously doubt it., but they have hope in their hearts. Foolish mortals.

An update: Foxx and I broke up about a month ago, he decded it would be a good idea to go through my phone and read my text messages, some of which were to my "Fiance" about relationship problems I'd been having with Foxx that I hadn't been ready to talk to him about yet. The upside? A few days before I officially broke it off with Foxx I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in six years, whom I'd had a huge crush on wen we were young, and Am now seeing him, amazingly. We've both grown and changed, but the dynamic between us is exactly the same. He calls me on my shit, and, frighteningly, he might actually be more intelligent than I am, neither of which are something I'm used to. I'm happy. lol.
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08:09pm 30/09/2008
Today my mom and I got into the chicken soup argument again, even though I'm not sick this time, she's making her nasty ass chicken soup. Its even worse now when I have a problem with my mom cooking anything, because at least before I hated her soup but I was not yet used to eating my own cooking. Now, since she'd making her foul soup I'm not even allowed to cook something else for myself. This is such utter bullshit. Fot those of you who can't remember the chicken soup argument, unsungtragedy.livejournal.com/109133.html Four years later, and only the names of the boys have changed.

Oh yeah, and this time she's threatening to kick me out of the house over it.

mood: bitchybitchy
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01:07am 10/09/2008
I'm an idiot. The first few times i looked at the email from my boss, I read only that I'd be working the 17th and 19th in the Weston store to do my training. I thought it was strange that I'd only be training for two days, but I shrugged and got over it.

Today I finally realized there was an attachment containing our schedules for the next two weeks. I have work at eleven in the morning in Miami Lakes. Thank goodness I wasn't one of the people scheduled yesterday, I'd have been fucked.

Well, wish me luck!!
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God I hate this.  
02:08am 31/08/2008
I made the stupid decision to attempt being an educated voter this year, even though I know our votes don't really count. Now I don't know what to do.

Barack Obama is a communist.
John McCain is a narrowminded hypocrite, and his running mate is a hypocritical christian crusader. (and an idiot... she believes people didn't cause global warming?!?!?)
Cynthia McKinney (the candidate from the green party) is a black supremacist.

I think I'm just going to boycott the elections, that way, no matter what, I wasn't responsible for it.
mood: frustratedfrustrated
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chapter 21 The fox  
07:40pm 25/08/2008
I remember The Little Prince , and it's always been an important piece of literature in my eyes, simple, but rich and full of beautiful lessons.

Today, Foxx was talking to me, telling me, explaining to me why he so desperately wants to be mine, and all I could think about was the fox in the story, and how he felt the need to be tamed. Then I went on my computer and found the chapter on the fox. I've had it saved since February 17, 2002Collapse )

Yep yep. Sorry that was long.
mood: angsty
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(no subject)  
04:51am 20/08/2008
Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam. QamuIs Heg qaq law' lorvIs yInqaq puS.

(It is a good day to die. It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees)
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I need therapy  
08:50pm 17/08/2008
So yesterday was fucking traumatizing. Three of the most horrifying sights I've seen in my life. Here they are from least scarring to most scarring. (both occurred at the South Florida Tattoo Expo)

1-A 300 lb man was hooked up for a suspension. We all started cracking jokes about him falling. They lift him higher and higher via a cherry picker and the hooks in his back flesh. Then, the piercer affiliated with this demonstration tosses him a bungee cord, and they start bouncing him, pulling the cord down and letting it lift him back up. The cherry picker itself shakes. Suddenly the cords holding him up all snap and he goes crashing to the floor. Thud. Lands on his feet before collapsing to his side. You hear everyone there gasp followed by a moment of absolute silence as he lies there immobile. As if on cue, all the people nearest the scene remove all the furniture from the area so the paramedics can make it through with the stretcher. They load him up, hooks still in his back, and as he's wheeled out you can see the bones sticking out of his shins, yet he stil musters up metal fists for all the onlookers. How fucking hardcore is that? Apparently he's been doing suspensions for over 15 years, and this was merely an equipment failure. It was so.... obscene. I just sat there covering my mouth for about five minutes, unable to speak. I feel so bad for this guy, I know how long it took my leg to heal and how frustrating it was, and his breaks are much worse than mine was. On the bright side, he survived.

2-Earlier in the evening at a room party, A drunken guy (1) accidentally punched his friend (2) in the mouth. 2, realizing 1 was drunk, didn't want to punch 1 in return, but felt he needed some form of revenge, so he offered 1 a shot. 1, of course, accepts. The terms of the shot were as follows, made after 1 agreed, that 1 would lie on the floor with his mouth open and the shot would be poured down 2's hairy naked buttcrack as 2 practically teabagged 1. I've seen few asses anywhere near this hairy. So 2 positions himself doggystyle over 1's face, and the shot of rum is poured, dripping past 2's anus and down his balls into1's mouth. Post shot, 1 rolls around screaming that the alcohol got in his eyes. He kept his eyes open?!?!?!? After that we all needed a cigarette, and as we head down to the smoking area 2 leans over to me and says "what really made this is the fact that I'e had diarrhea for the past three days"

3-Joseph latest fetish show. *vomits repeatedly*

All in all it was totally worth the $15 that someone else paid for me to go. Especially since I found a shop down here in South Florida with the heads for my dermal anchor, who also does removable surface to surface stapling. Fucking bad ass, right?
mood: shockedshocked
music: "what's simple is true" Jewel
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04:13am 15/08/2008
What the fuck is it about me that screams "I'm looking for a relationship?"

Maybe I just need to stay away from guys in their late twenties.

Yes, I enjoy his company. Yes, I enjoy sitting there watching Star Trek with him. Yeah, I'm ok with a little messing around. Do I want to see him every day of the week? No. Do I want to hold hands everywhere we go? Definitely not.


I should have learned my lesson after my "one night stand" wherein I hurt a really interesting guy by making out with three other people the night after I slept with him.

I guess I'm just too awesome for my own good. Now I just need to figure out what to do next.
mood: frustratedfrustrated
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